dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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