either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
