my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
