i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
