Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
