So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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