That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
