Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
