I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My balls are so social today.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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