rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
