her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
