he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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