hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
