final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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