Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
