I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
