My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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