I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
