Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
