I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
