How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
