I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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