Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
