You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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