Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
