I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
