Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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