I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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