so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
