When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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