You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
