i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
