I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
