one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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