with your own penis?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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