Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
