My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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