I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
