Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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