Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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