he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
