i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
