so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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