it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
