I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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