If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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