She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
