There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
