i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
