Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
